Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
