im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
