u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
