where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
