what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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