By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
