Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
