I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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