Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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