I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
