You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
