I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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