a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
