My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
