do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
