"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
