Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
