hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
