i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
