I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
