Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He better not be in your backpack
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
