i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I believe in your delicious
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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