i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
