Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we're making bets on your personal life
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
