Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
