walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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