just tell him i said nine months
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
