ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
