i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize