Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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