I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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