why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
