Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
