guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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