No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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