YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
