well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
