I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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