at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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