i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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