She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
