When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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