I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
