my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
