roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
