Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
