we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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