So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
