oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
