wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
