What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
