thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
