I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
