toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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