He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
