And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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