Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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