im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
